Dried Apricots

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Son of Sam

I got bit by a dog twice on Friday while I was canvassing my home town of Medford Lakes New Jersey. The women the dog belonged to was too busy eating her "Swiss" cheese to stop the dog after it bit me once and let it bite my other ankle harder. And she continued to take the smallest bites possible of her Swiss cheese after I ran away from her property. What is the world coming to? What ever happened to the motto "Dog attacks are more important than cheese"? I used to be an avid fan of this motto. Hell I would put cheese down for a lot of things, not just dog attacks, things like: American Idol, a phone call, Mr. Frosty, and a trip to Best Buy. But this woman wasn’t having it. Her cheese was vital to her being. It was as if cheese kept her heart from stopping. She must constantly eat cheese to stay alive, and to save money she just takes tiny bites so she won't run out as quickly. If there was a world record for the slowest cheese eater she would win. No seriously, the whole time I was talking to her she was eating the cheese and it seemed as though she had more in her hand as I was leaving as from when I got there. Damn Swiss.

My parents got a packet in the mail the other day from the county, Burlington County, that had a big yellow sign that said "SHELTERING IN PLACE" and a booklet of what to do in case of a natural or man made disaster. My mom started reading it out loud to me. Explaining how I must get duct tape and put it in my car now, because in case of a biological or chemical invasion one must duct tape the vents in the car. She then started complaining how we only received one yellow "SHELTERING IN PLACE" sign and how we need to make more (one for every car). I wonder if Burlington County was the only county in New Jersey that got a "disaster packet" or if all of New Jersey is not prepared to protect itself from those damn terrorists and that damn global warming.

I took my dad (a global warming skeptic) to see An Inconvenient Truth and he spent all today researching global warming on the net. He is still not convinced there is a correlation between carbon dioxide and temperature, and that 2005 was the hottest year on record. I am lucky my mom was the one home when I canvassed my house. The first line of the wrap, "2005 was the hottest year on record" my dad would have slammed the door in my face. But the movie did touch him, he is starting to see the light it’s just a little foggy, but he'll get there. Just one more brain washing session then he'll be on our side.

I bought the first season of The Great Adventures of Pete and Pete and I love it. It is the wittiest show I think ever made. It is wittier than The Office, Curb Your Enthusiasm and The Simpson’s combined. Yeah I said it. I mean come on, Pete’s mom has a medal plate in her head, Pete and Pete have a personal super hero that wears red and blue striped spandex that acts as flaming as Richard Simmons on a cruse ship, and sly evil villains like, Endless Mike, Open Face and the International Adult Conspiracy. I am just kicking myself I didn’t buy season two. I guess I have to make another trip to best buy.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Waste of Paint

I have been trying to figure out what I am going to do this summer, and it has not been very successful. For a while I was going to move into Cameron's apartment for the summer with TJ, and I was going to canvass again. After I told Charles to send me to Medford Lakes so I could tear it up, and be in charge of all the cool towns. I was thinking about canvassing again because I haven’t had time or really the energy to look for another job, and I don’t want to end up working at The Gap. Plus all my super cool friends are deciding not to come home this summer so just spending the summer doing nothing doesn't seem appealing. But living in New Jersey again and canvassing seems undesirable to me because my parents get in the way and it is just a lot of driving. I love driving but my focus can only take so much. TJ though may not be able to live with me, and I don’t have anyone else to room with. And really no one beats TJ. TJ is key.

What I love about TJ:

  • The way he makes me smile as soon as I see him, and make a bad day turn good.
  • The fact I sometimes have semi erotic dreams about him, but would never act on it.
  • The poker metaphors we use concerning my interpersonal relationships.
  • How he thinks I am sweet and innocent, and fears sometimes he corrupts me.
  • How you can never predict what ridiculous things he will say next.
  • How he surprises me with cute puppies that I can cuddle with, (That was only once, but it was seriously the best day ever)

Really I just can’t put into words how awesome TJ is. I hope he can get out of his "pickle" and be able to live with me this summer. We were going to have a roof garden and have good times watching Wonder Boys and Project Runway and go on weekend excursions to the beach to swim in the ocean. Because really the ocean is key. I only swam in the ocean once last summer. There is nothing better then having salty ocean hair, and acting like a little kid by building sand castles and playing "wave" games. I don’t know if TJ is into those things though, he is probably into the picking up as many girls as he can game. But that’s what makes him TJ and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I have been totally overwhelmed with the amount of school work I have, so that is why my blog entries have been few, and maybe lacking in quality. It will pick up after things settle down in a few weeks I promise.

Oh and I'm serious as cancer when I say rhythm is a dancer.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Falling for You

This weekend I found a new love for Michael Douglas. Of course I have been a fan of a few of his movies in the past, especially Wonder Boys, but I think I was in too much of a Toby and Robert Downey Jr. kick to notice the appeal of Michael, which is odd because I am known to crush on all my male professors. I watched Fatal Attraction, and it was all over. Now I am addicted to Michael I am planning to make time to watch all his movies. The next one on my list is A perfect Murder, I hear its not the best, but I like Gwyneth.

Speaking of Gwyneth, she had another child, a boy this time, Moses. Apple and Moses. I wonder when the children are a little older Moses and Apple will get into tifts, because he is the savoir of the Israelite slaves, while she is merely the sin that drove Adam and Eve away from the Garden of Eden. I hope they have twin boys next and name them, Cain and Joseph.

Speaking of The Bible, while I was home a few weeks ago I came across this book I had received from my church when I got confirmed, titled WWJD Today?: Daily Time with Jesus. It is extremely evangelical and ridiculous. I especially took interest in the sections on sex and marriage, unfortunately they did not address the gay issue, which shocked me, but maybe in the next addition they will. This section is titled Mind Control. At the top there is a little story about boys sitting around watching "beach bunnies" and drooling over the girls and wishing they were their life guards, but the next day the boys sign a pledge about abstinence. This is what Jesus has to say:

Jesus has some strong words here. Remember in Yesterday's devotion how it was just as bad to hate someone as it was to kill them? Well, today we find out that is just as bad to lust for someone as it is to have sex with them. Just window-shopping can get you arrested for shop lifting.

Let's define lust...Lust is what happens when you use your mind to cross those boundaries that you don’t cross with your body. Lust occurs when you have the chance to turn away from a mind-driven fantasy and you entertain it instead.

Guys, if you deliberately let your eyes "feast" on another woman, whether it be reality or a TV show or a music video or a magazine (even if they have some clothes on), you are lusting. It’s one thing to be temped and to fight. It's another thing to say there's nothing wrong with looking as long as you don’t touch. Jesus said just the opposite. Ladies, you can be guilty too. Don’t dress in a way that leaves little to the imagination –you’re giving away your body to their eyes. Save that for your husband. And don’t get caught up going too far with a guy in your brain either.

So remember Johnny that you must control your mind to fight these urges, use doublethink it will help you not sin and get to heaven.

My mom bought me bubbles for Easter that comes in a no spill container. Basically my mom is awesome.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

The Good Life

The hardest part about growing up is having it be less and less socially acceptable (unless you have children, but who wants that) to play games such as, Capture the Flag, Lazer Tag, Jail Break, Assassin. But really the older you get, the more fun these games become. When you are younger you don't have the brain power, nor the attention span to come up with elaborate plots against your enemy, or remember to bring your camo outfits.

My High School did have a school wide Assassin game, but only "boys" could play, which was extremely sexist, girls can be damn good assassins, and look extremely sexy doing it. Their assassin game seemed really awesome. You had to pay 10$ to play, and the winning team got a prize of 500$. They were really hard core about it too. There was breaking and entering, stalking, the whole nine. Needless to say the cops and the high school administration shut down the game because they are Nazi's. I feel as though if they had girls playing it wouldn’t have gotten out of hand, because girls are more sensible about doing things such as not breaking and entering in a house you know the parents are going to call the police, and they have better reasoning abilities with school administrators. And again, could use their sex appeal to get out of trouble.

I have been in the mood the last...10 min...to play an awesome game like that. Get a group of people together and have a hard core game of Capture the Flag, Salute Your Shorts style, or on a more "organized fun" game of Lazer Tag equipped with 80's decor. Or to put a little twist onto Capture the Flag, instead of having it in the wilderness with trees, we could play it in the city. Of course there would have to be boundaries not the WHOLE city, say just a 2 mile radius around Washington sq. Park. Or in Philly a 2 mile radius around City Hall, it would put a really interesting and fun twist to the game. (of course team colors would need to be involved) I am totally serious though. This summer it has to happen. Let me know if you want in.

Monday, April 10, 2006

My Little Town

Mr. Courtney has a blog. Pay close attention to the title "Jews, Yonkers and Islam II." A sequel to his mentors blog no doubt, "Jews, Yonkers and Islam I." He told me the other day that I have a nice smile (which I mean I do) and gave me this look with his piercing blue eyes that tried to entice me to join his cult. He asked this girl in my class who gave him the finger if she "Do you use that finger on yourself" Not only is Mr. Courtney a 60 year old riding a bike with a basket in the front and a bright blue helmet but he is also a vulgar 60 year old man that likes to sing Elvis songs. As my evangelical uncle would say "Only in America."

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

At the Bottom of Everything

While I was home for spring break, my mother discovered a mouse living behind the oven that was stealing my dogs food. Against my wishes my parents put a mouse trap back there. The kind that snap the neck and they die a slow painful death. I stopped speaking to them for a couple hours because of it. Anyway, the next day, after I had stumbled out of my perfect bed, my mother started questioning me, on where I had put the mouse trap. Confused, I explained to her how I did not know what she was talking about. Apparently, when my mother checked on the trap that morning, it was gone. The trap disappeared, and there was no sign of struggle. Who took the mouse trap? Did the mouse carry it? And throw it in the trash? Did my dog realize that, mouse or not, animal suffering is bad, and he threw it away? Was this mouse the next messiah, and God took the mouse trap away to save its life? My parents of course thought I took it. I tried to tell them I didn’t, but they don’t believe me. Still to this day, they believe I took it, and am lying to them. Unless I slept walk, and took it without me realizing, or I have Multiple personality disorder, I didn’t take it. If you or anyone you know can solve this unsolved mystery please contact me and tell me your story.

I bought a falafel mix, in a box. It’s quite good. I mean it’s not GREAT but it’s good. The tahini sauce I bought however, not at all worthy to be next to falafel. I wonder if I could go to Mamoun's and ask for some of theirs in bulk.

I ate a whole chocolate bar today, it’s not like me. I never eat chocolate. It does have 2 grams of protein though. And 2% iron.

The door to my room doesn’t lock anymore, the apartment building installed lockless door knobs to every room that has access to the fire escape, so my suite mate can get out if there is a fire. It is a good thing that neither Tena nor I are getting any, because it would be kind of awkward. I suppose we’d have to work some sort of system with post-its saying like "I am having sex do not come in" and hope it gets read.

I got seeds from J-Crew. Yes, I shop at J-Crew. And I planted them. In a pot. On the window sill. They are growing so nicely!! There are a lot of little green sprouts everywhere, it is very exciting. I sit by the window watching them. They make me feel warm inside. Maybe I should open a plant nursery. Maybe that should be my career.

Thursday, March 30, 2006


So I have been using Internet Explorer since I was very small. Since Al Gore invented the internet small. But starting early yesterday, my Internet Explorer decided to stop working; it would close 1 min after I opened it. So I have been using FireFox.

I despise FireFox. It has this thing, where if you have two separate windows open, and you try to close one, it closes both. And since I’m not used to it, I don’t press the abort button of closing when it tries to warn me, or know where it is located for that matter.

I was writing this awesome entry about Mr. Courtney, and Tena looking like a man, you know quality Emily Sullivan blogness, when I got distracted, of course, and start looking at other things online, and when I go to close it, the blogger window closes as well, even though when the warning thing came up I pressed cancel. Apparently the abort button on FireFox is “OK”.

So you kiddos are going to have to wait for the other stories at a later date.

And we loose an hour this weekend. I don’t have time to loose an hour this weekend. I wish I lived in Arizona so I wouldn’t have to worry about such things, and then in November live in Ohio so my vote counts.